lazy day..

i had such a wonderful, quiet, comfy cozy day today! and i deserved it after everything that has been happening to me lately. my son and his friend came over for the day as i mentioned in the last post. they brought fixin's for a d-lish dinner. i, who was dead tired from my 6 hour E.R. visit, laid in the chair in the living room which has become my bed since i broke my arm. i had just taken Percocet's, Diane had just left with Christopher for the day, and Alex was at work. as i dozed in and out of consciousness, i could hear my son and his friend putzing around in the kitchen as they prepared foods then proceeded to clean the entire house as a surprise for Diane, as she has been doing EVERYTHING since my injury. the windows were opened, the aromas of simmering foods filled my senses... i could hear quiet laughter and small talk... as all this occurred i was all snuggled under my blankie, enjoying the stimulation of every one of my senses in my half awake sleepy state.. i had warm memories dance through my head of similar times from the past... i felt SO comforted by all of this, with the smells, sounds, and presence of them here... as they let me rest. i heard them snap a few pictures of me but was too sleepy to open my eyes.. in my mind i was yelling DON'T but they didn't hear me! there is just something so familiar, comforting, safe, and so warm & cozy about how today unfolded that it will always be ingrained in my memories as a special memory! i felt pampered and loved. i am SO thankful to have had the experience.. what more could one want?crp

PuFFy but not sTuFFy..

hi peeps, how is your weekend going? mine, oh well, the usual... Diane and i had nuttin to do last night. it was getting late and then it came to me! i know what we can do just to top off our otherwise quiet evening... why, let's take a trip to the E.R. for Pete's sake!!! "why the hell not", replies the wife. so off we go around 10:30. and while we're just hanging out there, maybe i should get checked out for a DVT! [blood clot in the leg]. ok, says the wife.... let's.

we were there for nearly 6 hours. we got home at 5 A.M. i had an ultrasound on my right leg which turned out to be negative for clots. then i had a CAT scan with contrast [it is very difficult to scan a cat] to rule out a pulmonary embolism [clot in the lung which could kill ya if not caught]. urine sample, blood work... and oh, just for shits and giggles, turns out my hemoglobin is 7.9. yeah, dude. aNeMiA. the DOC said its due to blood loss rather than iron deficiency. he thinks my injury was bleeding internally. i have to follow up with my DOC Monday.

firkin' hell. it's one thing after another.

sooooo, now I'm gonna try to sleep with my puffy but not stuffy legs and hand. and the gimpy arm. my son is coming over wiff his friend this afternoon to cook dinner for us... i should be up by then... have a great Sunday!

signed,

your puffy bloggy friend, C.

boobies

I'm sure everyone has heard about the most recent "government" discovery. yes, it's about the mammograms and whether or not we really need them. what kind of bullshit is this? i have been feeling for a very long time now that women and children are the new targets of destruction per all the kidnappings, murders, disappearances off the face of the planet- but this is going too far. there are millions of women who would no longer be here today had it not been for self breast exams and mammograms. i cant tell you how high our number of mastectomy patients are that come to our unit for recovery. more than 80% are younger than 50. more than 55% are younger than 40. what does that say about our little community hospital? The U.S. Preventive Services Task Force are the panel of so called "experts" who are behind this madness. did you know there is not even ONE oncologist on that panel? WTF, man? my personal opinion is that money is the root of all evil and i smell evil money behind this. someone deep in the corporate cesspools of cutbacks are trying to take shortcuts and save a ton of money- probably just to line their own pockets with- and have chosen whom they deem to be the weaker sex [at least in their tainted blindness] as the way to do so. women are NOT the weaker sex! and i do not just say that because i am a lesbian. [when's the last time your mother was a man....?] this is SO ridiculous that i honestly can't believe it has even become an issue. should we cut back on preventative colonoscopies as well? what about newborn hearing screens? vaccinations? the list is endless when it comes to preventative medicine and screenings. my burning question is why pick a cancer which only affects women? i would be just as angry if this were about prostate cancer. no particular group of people should have been targeted just to save money. oh, there's all these reasons the task force is giving such as mammograms are unsafe, they don't work, blah blah fucking blah! its BULLSHIT. again, i stress that this isn't really about saving women's lives, its all about the money insurance companies would save if we "cutback" on unnessacary preventative procedures, who will gladly split the profits with the doctors! this is not a fight about just women... it's corruption. its also a fight for anyone who has daughters. sisters. aunts. mothers. is this the future we want them to live in? are we going to allow a panel of ignorant control freaks to determine our destiny? we must all stand together, both male and female who believe this is bullshit, and speak up for all the women we have loved and lost to this horrible disease, and for those who will in future die and/or be afflicted with it as well. at this time we have free programs for women of all classes. "no woman shall be left behind" is their motto. this means that money cannot determine who is  eligible for health screens. it took America a very loooooong time to achieve this for those with little to no medical insurances. i would like to see a debate between those of us who have lost a loved one to breast cancer and the task force panel of "experts". i would like to hear them invalidate the feelings of every person who has lost someone and talk them into believing a mammogram would not have helped them find a cancer sooner. come on, task force- aren't you up for debate? don't you want to face real life people with real life agony and try to brainwash them into believing mammograms and self breast exams are not useful? i double dog dare you to have a debate about this. because you KNOW you will LOSE! bastards. you are all bastards. and for any women on the task force- SHAME ON YOU FOR TURNING AGAINST YOUR OWN KIND. YOU BEST PRAY YOU NEVER NEED A MAMMOGRAM, HONEY...

crp

cut's like a knife- NOT!

hello my peeps. i am SO sorry to be so late with the news from the dr.'s office. i know you were all holding your breath to hear [and i hope no one died]. i was exhausted afterward and after my arm brace got adjusted, i was a hurtin unit. the good news is that i DO NOT need the rod stuck up my ass into my humorous bone! YEAHHHHHHHHHH!

i had more x-rays and he was very pleased with how it's comin together in there. he did not totally release me from needing surgery in the future, he is taking it one week atta time depending on if the x-rays show progress or snot not. i had the same twat bitch who dropped my arm the last time [cuz she and the other douche bag are the only radiology techs there] and the first thing i said to her was bitch do NOT drop my arm like you did the last time! i said it nice. NO apology. NO sign of regret. can you believe people are like that, really? so once i am healed and no longer require her services, i will find out where she lives and you know how McCauley Culkin rigged up the house for the 2 intruder guys in "home alone"? sheeeet, that will all be child's play whenst i get done wiff her!

the BAD news is that i owe the wife $50.00 cuz we wagered a lil bet on whether i would need surgery or not and she won. DAMN! i wonder if she'll take it in services or summit... HAH! isn't much i can do at the moment with the gimpy arm hurtin, if'n ya know twat i mean..

bless her though, she has become my personal assistant of late- i tell 'er what to do and she does it! bwahahahah... wish i could pay her. as it is, she works for tea bags and coffee beans, bless... seriously, though? i truly don't know what I'd do without her love, support, encouragement, and willingness to shower the ole girl. i love you Diane! there's NO ONE else i would allow to do the things you do for me, and get away wit it.. i thank god you are in my life! baby, just wait till I'm all healed, why, I'll pick you up, twirl you around, probly get dizzy, fall and break something else!

[wink, wink].

onto other news... oh. there isn't any cuz it's all about MOI! no, seriously, now that i will not be in surgery today, that means Diane and i can go to Christopher's all state concert Friday night! yeahhhh! i am SO looking forward to that. i wish Alex didn't have to work or he would come wit us.

i am also proud to report i am no longer on the "constipated" black or is it brown list. even wiff the stool softeners and prune juice and enemas i am taking... everything is working in that department... [thank you god] there's nuttin worse than being full of shit! [lol].

ya know it just kills me that i sleep on and off all day & evening then i cant sleep late at night. i think i will go watch a movie! thank you each and every one of you for your kind words, encouragement, and prayers! i love you bloggy peeps,

awwww, come on now- you know who you are.. mwahhhh to all! we will get through this together..

crp

me, myself, & Irene..

 at noon today i will find out if i need surgery on my arm. i am scared either way. my son Christopher has an allstate competition Friday in Lincoln and he will be first chair! if i have to have surgery, i will miss his concert. if i don't, Diane and i will take a lil road trip to Lincoln. i am SO proud of him. my other son Alex, has a heart of gold. he gave him spending money as Christopher will be in Lincoln for 3 days. so everything is up in the air at the moment. i am still sleeping in the chair in the living room. earlier today, Diane took me to have my compression brace adjusted as my arm was hurting more. the guy who "fixed" it tightened it too much and before we even got to the elevator to leave, my hand and arm was throbbing in more pain than i have been in, even the day i broke it. so i went back and he was rough with it, loosened it a little but it was still hurting. i had Diane adjust it in the car and he can go to hell in an egg basket. my feet are swollen, my whole left arm and hand is swollen... it looks like a water balloon and i cannot make a fist with it. i will see what that is all about as well in a few hours when i see the doc. i have been a bit down the last few days.. got into a difference of opinion with my daughter AGAIN. my sister who lives here is being a bitch about thanksgiving. i don't need this shit right now, ya know? sometimes i feel like just amputating the world and just focusing on my little world here. ewww, i am feeling nauseated, just took some vicodin... gotta go-

crp

Up DaTe oN ThE dOwN LoW

Diane took me to see the dr. i had before with the rotator cuff injury back in January. why not, he knows me now.. he had another x-ray taken. the whore bitch that took this x-ray painfully bent my arm into an L shape and held it there. it hurt ALOT to do so. and when the x-ray had been taken, the fucking whore bitch just let go of my arm and down it went! i screamed like a girl and she just walked away! i couldn't believe it! she works right there in an orthopedic office- you'd think she would know better. thanks to her i was in severe pain the rest of the day and threw up on the way home from the pain..

ok, back to my dr. visit- he took a looksie at the new x-ray and was very surprised to see that in only 2 days the compression brace had pushed one of the splintered bones back against the humorous. he was ecstatic! he has me penciled in for surgery to place a rod down through my shoulder and screw my bones together, next Thursday. [ah, that sounds a lil dirty, don't it? nay, I'm SO not in the mood] he said if the brace continues to heal my arm like this, he may not need to do the surgery at all! i go back to see him next Wednesday, have another looksie via x-ray and decide from there. of course guess what lil skank whore WON'T be taking my x-ray? i told him what she did and i hope he fired the bitch... or at least made her do a thousand push-ups whilst getting irradiated and loses all of her hair! i have NO tolerance for unprofessional professionals! meanwhile, back at the ranch... last night my oldest son Nicholas came over to hang out for the evening and we watched back to back episodes of "house hunters".

well, my pain meds are starting to kick in and i must go sleep now. have a great weekend, peeps! be careful now, and DON'T fall.

crp

..if it weren't for bad luck, I'd have no luck at all- gloom. despair. agony on me.

i have news, my peeps.... news that will make you go  hhmmmm  ewwwww, Ouchy!

Tuesday night i floated worked at another unit that i occasionally do. it's a NICU and they needed extra help. this particular hospital had a gang group family of quints! [that's FIVE! five dollah foot longs] and 2 of the 3 babies i had were some of the quints. soooooooo precious, soooooooooooo cute, soooooooooo tiny... well my shift was nearly over, i was performing my final assessment on the last of my trio. ok, picture this. his blanket fell off the top of his giraffe [betcha didn't know 3 pound babies ride giraffes, did ya..] [actually it's the name of the isolette they are kept in, silly peeps]. so i, being the clever nurse that i am, walked around the giraffe to pick it up. unbeknownst to moi, my foot had become entangled with the EKG lead all the NICU babies wear and as i proceeded to try to pick up the blanket, i tripped and went down faster than a lesbian at an all you can eat buffet! smash went my body into the floor. my left arm was twisted into an almost demonic position where the sight of it makes you scream in your mind.."HOLY SHIT! WHO'S ARM IS THAT?" and i can validate that it did exactly so in my mind. one of the other nurses saw/heard me hit the floor and came a running. [the blanket remained where it fell]. turned out that ER sent a squad up to heft me off the floor [i am no spring chicken lightweight, ya know]. took 3 of them to get me on the slide board, heft me up, and onto the awaiting cart. down to ER i go in agonizing pain. they rolled me so fast the hairs in my nostrils were flying about. after approx. 30 mins of waiting, [of course it's fucking shift change] the nurse finally comes in and has to cut my 45 dollah scrub top off so i could get in a gown. i tell her i need to use the restroom. [i had a lil accident in my pants from the pain and fear i just recently experienced]. i kept apologizing because she had to play mommy with me and clean me up. now in my line of work, i do this and more for women after they deliver their babies cuz they DO tend to be a lil messy.... HOWEVER, when it's your ass on the line- so to speak- it's just your worst nightmare, on wheels. i had diahhrea. gas. the really bad explosive kind that one gets when they fall face first on the floor.. did i mention it was a very small absolutely tiny bathroom? i could see the poor nurse's nostrils flaring as she tried not to puke. i kept apologizing to which she replied, "its ok hon, this isn't the first time nor will it be the last". [this is where i think she threw up in her mouth a little].. whatta sweetheart. bless.

the dr. finally came in [the ER room not the bathroom] and ordered x-rays and informed me it was the first time they were going live with a new charting program... yes. it was my lucky day.

after an hour of crying like a baby in the wheelchair, they took me for the x-rays. lemme punch the bitch who wanted me to stand & pose this way and that way and stop shaking, crying, and hold my breath! i have never been in so much pain in my life. with every lil movement or taking of a deep breath, i could excruciatingly feel bone grating against bone. and this bitch was ordering me around like a gay man at a fashion show. here is my x-ray result. you can see the break and where the bones splinter off just under the shoulder.

perty, ain't it?

when they returned me to my room, Diane and Nicholas were there. i was SO glad. the orthopedic dr. put a compression brace on it which is supposed to hold the bones in place and keep them aligned. [did i tell you i begged for VERSED for the procedure? they said no. i think they thought i was being wimpy.. fucktards.] i have an appointment with the dr. who did my shoulder back in January, today- so i  will update you as things change. until then, Diane has become my caregiver and has to help me with everything. i sleep in a chair cuz i cant lay down.. i can't even pull up my own pants after going to the bathroom! she showered me yesterday and what a fiasco that was. ohmygod! bless her little Florence Nightingale heart. so here i am. totally constipated AGAIN due to the painkillers i am on. the Colace I'm taking is NOT doing its fucking job i tell ya. if i could kick my own ass i certainly would, for fallin like a girl up there in the presence of those babies. this has NOT been a nice year for me... it came in like a herd of elephants runnin from the paparazzi and erm, yeah... it's pretty much going out like the sequel..

fuck me hard, i don't like reruns.

crp

t'was a good night..

[Nicholas, 25- Emily, 22- Alex, 18- yours truly, 54- and goofy silly Christopher, 17]

i had a wonderful berffday Saturday night. dinner was yummy at my daughter's, all my kids were there and of course my grandson!

chocolate cake with homemade marshmallow frosting is my fave and Emily made it for me. yummy. after dinner, my oldest son Nicholas presented me with all of our old home movies he had burned onto DVD's and as i walked in and it was playing, there were my babies right there back in the day! oh, the memories! the tears i shed watching them. the comical remarks each made about this and that. for a brief moment i was right there back to my favorite time of my life, when my children were little. hearing their little voices, seeing the little facial expressions, the chubby lil baby arms and legs, the toothless grins, watching them living the simple life we had back then... my heart was just overflowing. i couldn't of received any better present than that. it had been years since we viewed those movies.. later, Nicholas shared with me that he cried his little heart out as he made the DVD's and i nearly lost it. I'm sure he was filled with alot of good memories but also alot of pain at the same time, for what he lost.. I've done the same thing watching my own few movies of my youth too, which always leaves me with an emotion i have no words for but my soul knows well. [which by the way he also burned onto DVD] he is SO wonderful.

we had a late night of ALL of us just being together, which means more to me than anything money could buy.

crp

54

to most, this number is insignificant... or maybe it reminds you of studio 54, the infamous nightclub in NYC that was known for drugs, sex, & rock-n-roll within the club where only the most famous people were allowed to enter. there was also "car 54 where are you"- one of my fave TV  shows growing up with Tooty and Muldoon, in it's black and white classical state. and that song "54 ways to leave your lover" which has nothing to do with this post. but this isn't about those 54's, it's about ME. it should always be about ME. 

it's my 54th birffday today and to most of the world i am a very cute an unknown 54 but to a few special people in my little world, i am everything. MOI, the oldest of 4 a little girl born in New Britain, CT.. eating east coast pizza and grinders the best of which i will forever miss

[moi age 4... 50 years ago!]

who grew up in the projects without a father, survived some really rough younger years eventually migrated to upstate New York with my mom and 3 siblings to be closer to her family in Quebec..

[our home in Malone, NY]

  i was a hellion normal high school kid who met her soul mate husband-to-be at the incredibly young but who could tell me anything back then tender age of 13;

over the years, i became a wife- a mother- remained a daughter- a sister- befriended stray bears and eventually settled down in Omaha, NE... home of the cornholers oops i mean cornhuskers! i was blessed with the miracle of 4 beautiful children who came to me every which way but loose in the most special of ways when i lived many years never knowing if i would have the thankless but oh so worth it job pleasure of experiencing parenthood. [oh the stories i could tell you!] 

[Nicholas & Emily]

[Alexander & Christopher]

[all 4] 

i survived a divorce, put myself through college to become a nurse- work in my dream job in OB and met my soul mate for the second and last time, Diane. [did i mention she is silly]   [this is beginning to sound like a resume, whatta my applying for, the Nobel peace prize or summit?] my most important accomplishments are my 4 children- my precious grandson- and the fact that i can make the pig noise in my throat and was able to buy a new car a few months ago! I'm still monetarily poor, [and always will be unless i win the lottery but i think you have to buy a ticket first] yet consider myself the wealthiest woman on the planet [most days] because of the richness of the ones i love in my life. [they may not always be nice or do their chores but they're mine] i have good friends, a beautiful dog with perpetual bad breath, soft butter on the counter ready to go, and a small pool that came with this rental we live in... i have my health [cuz no one else would want it], a bicycle to ride every spring/summer, and i have cable TV. i can sleep when I'm tired, eat when I'm hungry, laugh when i have gas at the MOST inappropriate times, and get all the hugs i could ever want.. i live in a pretty much safe neighborhood, it's peaceful. and only 8 miles to work. for what it's worth [ALOT in my book] my four kids are all doing something they love, and prospering. [well, the 2 youngest ones are still prospering from home and i plan on keeping them here until they turn 40]. i have an important connection to many peeps in the blogosphere whom i don't even know what you smell like if i will ever meet.. and i feel a sense of community with. what more could i possibly want when i am blessed with all of this? [OK, so my freezer needs defrosting, we have wild monkeys in our backyard, one of the burners on the stove doesn't work right, and i could use new sets of sheets for the beds but let's not get technical] so yes, today is my birffday, i am 54 years older and wiser but i will always remain a kid at heart. now go pour yo'seff a nice cold one [be it juice or beer or wine or Kool-Aid or iced tea or coffee or elephant juice or water] and join me in a toast to celebrate this special day-->

bottoms up! [American]

cHeRRiO! CHEERS! [British]

a votre santé! [French]

salud! [Spanish]

CIN-CIN! [Italian]

kampai! [Japanese] 

PROST! [German]

OOGY WAWA [Zulu]

awww shucks, let's just say 'em all... why not..

and if these don't cover everyone, look here http://www.awa.dk/glosary/slainte.htm  

for the international glossary of how to say cheers in ANY language you can think of!  

[hey not so rough you'll break the glasses!]

crp

ALIAS the birffday girl.

p.s.

the pictures can be viewed larger- just click 'em.

Equality- it's not just for breakfast anymore..

i just received this email from the human rights campaign. i was hopeful that Maine would become yet one more state to overturn the unjust inequality status for gays.

"Dear Chris,

A deep and bitter disappointment from Maine yesterday: Maine voters have passed a devastating Proposition 8-style measure overturning the state’s marriage equality law. Our hearts are with everyone in Maine who fought so hard to win recognition for their families. The legislature passed marriage equality earlier this year, but a divisive anti-LGBT campaign to scare voters seems to have worked. It is infuriating to see that the same fear-mongering ads that were used to pass Prop. 8 a year ago have triumphed again at the expense of so many. This is a terrible loss. Although we lost our battle in Maine, we will not allow the lies and hate – the foundation on which our opponents built their campaign – to break our spirits. We are on the right side of history and we will continue this fight with even more vigor. Our friends at No on 1/Protect Maine Equality waged a strong and smart campaign. Thousands of volunteers exposed hundreds of thousands of Mainers to the real lives of same-sex couples and their families – many for the first time. I am angry. But more importantly, I am determined that with the anger I feel today from this outcome in Maine, we'll rise ever stronger to demand equal treatment under the law and equal respect for our relationships in Maine, California, New Jersey, and every state in the Union."

i am writing this letter to anyone out there who supports this anti-equal rights campaign.. and you can do what you will with it.

To whom it may concern;

WTF is the problem? why cant you side with equal rights for everyone? it feels like we are back in the slavery days where people were treated less than human because of the color of their skin. you are being just as oppressive because of who we love. oppression is oppression no matter what the reasons are. i am so sick and tired of our destiny and future falling into the hands of you ignorant, uneducated, fearful people who are so afraid that we will rise up and annihilate you if we are given equal rights. this is 2009 and we are still just as backwards as we have always been, except this time its for gays to have equal rights. i am so angry and tired of the unfairness. what are you people afraid of anyway? that we will be able to put our partners on our insurance- that they will have legal rights in our affairs- that we can openly claim to be a couple and can live with the security that other couples have- WTF are you afraid of? we have NEVER asked for you to abolish the act of marriage between man and woman. NEVER. we have only asked to be able to be recognized as a couple in our own rights and most importantly to have equal legal rights because we are all human. why is it ok that some have equal rights and some don't? who made you the boss of equality? how would you feel if a group of us told you it was illegal to drive a Toyota, or that no, you cant wear jeans any longer... or go to your church because we don't approve of it? how would you like violence inflicted upon you as you take a walk in the evening, just because you are holding the one you love's hand? how would you like to be told god hates you because you wear green on Fridays? we are who we are. you are who you are. neither should condemn or hurt the other. that in itself is a sin and a crime against humanity. the only reason you are "winning" this battle, if you would call it that, is simply because there are more of you. it doesn't mean you are right or doing the right thing. Hitler belonged to a large group of people but does that make what he did right? what are you going to say to god someday when he asks you why you were part of the oppression of a people? what are you going to say when he tells you he made us just like he made you? you can't call yourself a Christian and condemn what god has made. that is hypocritical. live and let live. stop the hate. stop the oppression. or get the fuck off the planet.

CRP

Halloween is over until next year. even though i was the bah-pumpkin Grinch that i am... we managed to have a nice evening. i made homemade Italian sausage grinders that i baked in the oven.. my youngest Christopher made cupcakes with brightly colored frostings, my sister and her MIL came over to eat dinner with us, we got a game of cards in until Alex got home from work... then we rented "a haunting in Connecticut" and watched it in the dark... what a frikkin scary movie that was, several of us screamed out like girls many times... my sister & her MIL [wimps, i say] sat with a blanket on them, and covered their faces with it more times than a nun farts.. [and we ALL know how gassy nuns are]. we had other ghoulish snackies.. like pureed salsa dip [blood] and tortilla chips [fried pieces of skin].. candy corn [dead toenails], and m&m's [bat droppings]. so despite myself, i managed to have a good time. i did it for the kids. Christopher was so proud of his cupcakes that he wants me to post a picture; 

so here are his little lovelies.. [note the creepy crawly worms on each]. i hope your Halloween turned out to be a good one too!

crp

Happy Halloween!

 i have many happy memories of when my kids were little, and we'd dress up to go trick or treating. today, i'm a bah-pumpkin... all part of the funk i am in, i didn't even decorate. those of you in the holiday spirit and with little ones, have a great time!

crp

 

SLUMDOG... erm, fail.

 this is who i am inside.

Diane and i just watched SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE. i did not like this movie at all AT ALL. yes it had a good ending, however the violent life those poor children lived and the pain they endured, gagged me. i wanted to change the station but Diane wanted to continue watching it. she actually liked it. to each their own, i say..

it made me cringe in my seat because i know damn well that is how life really is in many parts of the world. i admit i am a pussy. i do not like having to see the hardships that befall humanity and animals. i know all too well that they exist and i do everything in my power not to be reminded. i prefer to live in my little world with my little life and be oblivious to the holocausts that some people unfortunately must call their lives. why? why am i such a pussy? because it hurts me too much to be reminded. i was nearly coming off my seat and my heart was in my throat watching this movie. i kept wondering when it would get to the good part.. after all, it won awards. the only good part was at the end and to me it wasn't worth the torture of watching the movie. some may say i am like an ostrich and bury my head in the sand rather than live in reality sometimes. when it comes to abuse and cruelty of animals and people- yes, i am. i fully admit it. i cannot watch where meat comes from. i cannot watch documentaries of animals killing others for food or puppy mill reports. i cant even watch animal channel's show where the humane society goes around rescuing animals. stories of abuse or murders of our children are so painful for me. i am the first in line to judge my weaknesses and admit my shortcomings. i wouldn't want to be any other way. maybe it's because i grew up in my own private war zone and endured enough loneliness, abandonment, and pain to last me 4 lifetimes. i am hyper-sensitive to such things. i didn't have a choice growing up except to survive, but today i can choose to avoid. i give myself permission to do so. i relate too deeply to the helplessness of animals and children and i can't tolerate the pain. my heart needs protection from such atrocities and the Caylee Anthonys and Somer Thompsons and the Adam Walshes of the world because i can't handle the horror. does that make me a bad person? NO. does it make me a pussy? YES. right now my self acceptance that i am a pussy stands all on its own and that's ok because that is all i need. i have myself.

i do not like green eggs and ham i do not like them Sam i am SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE I DO NOT LIKE IT I DECLARE...

crp

Diane, the wife... yeah, she who must be obeyed...

lizzen to me whenst i speak... i am the Donald, Donald Frump.. 

Diane has started a blog after seeing how much i lerve mine having a brainstorm of an idea to make it about living GREENER lives. she plans on covering every topic that pertains to life [which in essence means just about everything]. so far she has done well with her research of a few things and her last post about eating organic foods really opened my eyes because i thought organic meant NO pesticides- all natural- healthier. i was wrong. it's just another name for high priced foods with covert poisons added to them because they still use cancer causing agents pesticides. they are plant based pesticides but can still harm us. please help me I'll pay you support her efforts and take a looksie, would ya? and if you really wanna help, you could be a real champ sweetheart and grab the GO GREEN button on my page and add it to yours if you feel guilty compelled... jus sayin'. [we were all beginner bloggers twice once... i like to help my peeps out when i can]. thank you ahead and the check is in the mail of time to those of you who will take a looksie. i appreciate it and i know Diane will as well!

today we had my oldest son and his friend over for the day and had dinner together. it was lervely. as we sat at the dining room table chowing down like porkies snort snort eating our dinner, i looked out the windows to our side yard and watched as it rained down neked women leaves from the many trees we have in our yard. it was SO beautiful. all different colors, floatin' and blowin' in the wind.. much like Nell the lil chickapea you can't see the grass at all even though Diane nearly broke her achin back just raked a few days ago! and there are still many millions thousands of the lil bastards lovely leaves left on the trees yet to fall!

Diane's ex girlfriend [they have remained as family over the years] and her daughter are coming to the states from England this Weds. they will be flying into Kansas City or Omaha would have been closer, DUH.. Denver, Co. we want SO bad to drive out there to see them. as of tonight i don't know if i can call into work and pretend to be sickly rearrange my work schedule this late in the game but it was a spur of the moment decision for Karen [that's her ex] to take this trip. Karen and her 22 year old daughter will rent a car and are you fucking kidding me? drive out west exploring the states for 2 weeks. the other option is to meet up with them on the return trip back to Denver as they will fly out from there to return to England. the probs. are 1.) i am up for jury duty at the same time as the return trip... b.) it's also mine and Julian's birthday during that time... and 3.) to try to go this week is really exciting pushing it because i have to work and we have a funeral to attend to. as a last resort another option would be for Diane to go out there without me, but i really want to meet Karen. they haven't seen each other since Diane moved here to be with me in 1999. it may be the only chance they ever get to see each other again so no matter what happens, i will make sure at least Diane gets to go. I'll be really very truly fucked off if i can't go i guess what's meant to be will be... i will keep you posted. tomorrow is manic Monday and the start of yet another week drawing us closer to the pocket emptying emotionally guilty last chance of the year to make things right and go in the hole just to buy gifts you can't really afford for people you don't really like holidays. where did this year go? when i was a kid, time passed sooooo slowly to me- being off on summer break from school and Christmas vacation seemed to last forever... now time passes faster than a speeding bullet i can blink my eyes or pass a gas!!!

WTF?

good night my poops peeps. happy Monday, i hope everyone has regularity a good start to the week.

crp

not WTF weds. nevertheless, still WTF..

i haven't been able to do my WTF weds. as usual nor post anything. i come on my blog, stare at the blank page- NADA. i browse through a few bloggy friends and comment here and there. whoopeeee! other times i sit on here playing a mindless solitaire game of cards, over and over again... wasting time. then i sleep, eat  [waaaay too much], work, and repeat. i haven't even had the energy to pick up any overtime. OR decorate for my fave season Halloween. or play cards... or clean. [thank god for Diane, she saves my life on a daily basis]. i have been in a bit of a funk, and am trying very hard to snap out of it. but all i can manage to force myself to do is the basic autopilot daily things i need to do to make it to tomorrow. i guess this is a BIG WTF of it's own. yep. my life at the moment.

-where did my joy go?

-where did i leave my energy and motivation?

-WTF is wrong with me?

one thing that i could be going through is change in seasons from summer to fall to fastly approaching winter. i have S.A.D. [seasonal affect disorder]. if i don't get enough sun i get like this plus very depressed. yep, I'll bet that is my dilemma. if i hadn't started this post today i would not have realized it. sometimes it creeps over me like a shadow and then BAM I'm in this funk before i even know WTF hit me.

i will have to hit the tanning beds to kick myself outta this funk before i spiral out into oblivion never to be heard from again! not only will my spirits lift from tanning, i will look darker therefore thinner... bwahahahaha always a plus. I'm such a sun bunny all summer long.. i crave it and i feel great.. even though my sister who lives here bitches about me getting skin cancer every time she sees me, my body must know what it needs. as i look back in retrospect over my entire life, i can see how i have always had S.A.D. the symptoms for me are as follows;

come sept. and oct. i go into this hibernation phase where i HAVE to start cooking the "winter meals" like stews, chili, ya know, winter meals. gone are the salads and fruits/veggies of summer. my eating becomes out of control as i pack on the weight. [was i a bear in another life?] i begin to not want to go outside for walks even though this is my fave season. i sleep alot more. i have no energy. no drive. no motivation. and don't even ask me about sex. i feel yukky all the time. and i go into this slump of a funk... when i do realize i am in the S.A.D. i am deep into it already and it usually takes longer to get out of it. i have depression anyway and take Zoloft daily [year round] but when you have this disorder that isn't quite enough. so there you have it. me. I'm here. I'm queer. and i have S.A.D., get used to it! if reading about this helps any ONE person, that will soothe my heart. this disorder can make you feel cRaZy.. trust me on this. go 'head, look it up on Google.. it's definitely a real disorder. pinky swear.

i think i feel some relief... and i didn't even have to use Alka Seltzer....!

crp

 

BOW-tox

i absolutely thought this was hilarious!

crp

this could be any one of us..

 i took care of a new mom this past week and i feel the need to share the story because it is still lingering on my mind. she [the mom] was born and raised in Mexico, abandoned by her parents, raised by grandparents until they died. very poor people. migrated to California as a teen and fell in love with a boy also from Mexico and married. they had 3 kids. they lived in L.A. until 3 years ago when they moved here as his family had migrated to Omaha. she is a victim of domestic violence. all this girl has ever known in her life was abuse, neglect, and poverty. once she and her husband moved here, the abuse became worse. she found the courage to leave him one day while the kids were in school, planning to pick them up from there and go to a shelter. she wanted out, and tried to get out. its hard to arrive to the point where the woman will actually leave, in a domestic violence situation. when she went to pick the girls up from school he was there and would not let her take them. she had nothing left to fight him at this point and no place to live, no money, food, or any of their belongings. she walked away in shame and moved in with a friend. the only time she could see the kids was if she walked up to the school during lunch and sat with them. sometimes she would walk them home to the husband's apartment, but would have to quickly leave as he would not let her in their home.

she met up with an old friend from California who also grew up in Mexico. he was a mutual friend to her and her husband back in the day. he was very supportive to her, very gentle, and treated her with respect and affection. they fell in love. she became pregnant. when her husband found out he was enraged. he began making the 15 year old daughter do all the chores another parent should be doing, and taking care of the other 2 younger kids. she had in fact become the other parent in every way but sexually. the mom tried to get into the system when she first left her husband, but her situation was complicated and she could not. now that she was pregnant, she was able to get on Medicaid, food stamps.... the whole gamut of assistance available to women in her situation. she now has a lawyer through legal aid and is fighting for full custody of her other 3 kids.

when she was 5 months pregnant, back in June of this year, some of his family members were waiting for her in her car, when she came out of an OB appointment at the Nebraska Medical Center Hospital here. they assaulted her in the car, placed a wire around her neck from behind and choked her with it until she passed out. they proceeded to stab her, beat on her, and cut her. when they believed she was dead, they took off. however, it was all filmed on surveillance camera in the underground parking garage and help arrived shortly after they fled. she spent a good month in the ICU recovering. by the grace of god, she did not die nor lose her baby. apparently, her husband's family are involved in many illegal activities including ammunitions and drugs, and belong to a very powerful west coast gang. they wanted her dead because she knew too much and had "left the flock". this kind of life was all she had ever known. yes, she did leave, but she never would have said a word as she feared for her kids safety. after this attempt on her life however, she gave the FBI all the information she had with phone numbers, names, and addresses. these gang hoodlums fled Nebraska and went back to the west coast... and have not been found. they couldn't prove her husband was involved and maybe he wasn't but it makes you wonder..

her new boyfriend has been there for her and their new baby which i helped deliver last week. they were my only couplet those 2 nights so i had alot of time to sit and talk with her, which is how i learned everything i just shared with you.

in July, she was walking back from seeing her kids at a park when she found herself crying and walking aimlessly, in deep depression and hopelessness. she passed the abortion clinic in my neighborhood, and saw some pro-lifers holding up a sign with an aborted nearly full term baby on it, dismembered. the tiny hands were laid over the eyes with the caption "please mommy, don't". she was so distraught that when she saw the sign she passed out right there on the sidewalk. the people who were gathered in protest and prayer took her to the women's center next door. one thing led to another and these kind women took her in, found her an apartment of her own and arranged all the appropriate meetings etc. for this woman to get into the system, get food stamps etc... she has been going to WMCA domestic violence victims classes, therapy, her kids are also in therapy, she has a lawyer to fight for custody... you name it, she got it... and now has everything she needs to change her life and start over fresh with her new baby and other 3 kids. she and her boyfriend plan on getting married once she is divorced and they will move to where he works, a town 2 hours away. she is hoping to finally be free from all remnants of her previous life so she can raise her family in peace and safety of a small town where no one from her past can haunt her. together they hope to build a new life. it's so satisfying to me to have an experience such as this, at my job. i am very thankful i did.

this woman is very beautiful, even with all the scars of her assault that have healed, and all of the worry lines in her face. looking at her you can clearly see she has had a rough life. she is the most humble, sweet, kind and appreciative person i have met in a long time. as she told me her stories of being treated "less than" because she is Hispanic, even back in L.A. where Hispanics are numerous, my heart just went out to her. i can really relate to what she must have felt because as i grew up in the projects, people treated me very badly and "less than" when i was a kid- because i was chubby, i came from the projects, and my father was in jail... i know the pain of being looked down upon, of hearing painful remarks and called names.. i know what it's like to be pushed around and beaten up, of being judged by my outer appearance when they had no fucking clue what kind of person i was on the inside... i don't think it matters if you are any minority, gay, color, poor, whatever.... if you are different from the norm in any way, there will unfortunately be those who judge and taunt and hurt you... both physically and verbally- to any extreme even up to death. she and i connected on some level, and i tried to let my compassion flow to her, and from the time i had her as my patient, i loved her, treated her with all the kindness i had in me, because i knew she needed it. i knew she had known so little of it. if i could have embraced her and kept her safe for the rest of her life, i would have. i have to settle for knowing i gave what i could while i could and let that be enough. one of my weaknesses is that i want to fix the world and everyone in it. i want everyone to feel loved and safe.. which of course cant be my responsibility, yet in my soul that's how i feel. i will continue to pray for her and her kids... they are good people caught up in very bad things. around here, Hispanic, middle eastern, and black people are such a focus of judgment and looked down upon as "less than"... i cannot stand it. there really isn't anything i can do about it except make sure i don't live my life that way in my little corner of the world. because of all the hype over the years, it has instilled fear into people when they encounter certain groups of people. what a shame for our society that it has come to that. even i, who wants to love everyone, am afraid at times just because of the actions of some and how it's portrayed on TV and in the news. our world has become a scary place where even the most loving of hearts has to be cautious and constantly hyper vigilant to the surroundings, because you never know what may happen around the corner.. bombings, murders, assaults, attacks, robberies, rapes- god help us.... people have just fucking gone nuts in this world. nuts, i say..

crp

freaky Friday

i have decided to spice up my Fridays, as they are my favorite day of the week. yesseree bob, here we gooooooooooo..

so lets get the ball rolling. the following are things that i think are fReAkY. please share things you think are freaky, too.

a.) old men’s eyebrows that are SO bushy they come around the corner before they do. and why is there always that ONE hair that’s extra wiry and sticks out like an erection at a lesbian party….

2.) ALIENS. you KNOW there’re out there.

3.) the G spot. if and when you find it, she goes all freaky on ya.

d.) E.S.C.A.R.G.O. and T.R.I.P.E. need i say more?

5.) mosquitoes. i think they are freaky little fuckers whose only purpose is to bite people and spread disease. there’re right up there with gnats.

6.) a Ouija board. not only is it freaky, it DOES freaky shit…. oooooh it scares me.

g.) pomegranates. i love ‘em but you have to admit they are freaky inside with all those lil sacs of juice and shit. pity the fool who gets pomegranate juice on their clothes- it don't come out even with shout!

h.) i think Sarah Palen is freaky.

9.) people that dress in full camouflage even if not in the military as if there’re ready to drop at any given moment and like, crawl under something.. that's freaky.

10.) J-E-L-L-O. i may eat it, but i find it freaky the way it congeals itself around fruit and, erm cottage cheese. and who invented it anyways, and WHY?

11.) scratching your leg under a restaurant table only to feel something rub across the top of your hand and when you look you see all kinds of old chewed up gum stuck to the underneath of the table. that’s really freaky.

l.) you’re almost done that huge angus burger from McDonalds and as you’re ready to eat your last bite, you see this long piece of white artery looking thing that gags you and makes you puke right there in public… now that's pretty freaky to me.

happy Friday everyone and remember that what is freaky to one person may not be freaky to the next.

freak out, peeps…

crp

it’s WTF Weds. again!

ready for another round, folks?

alllllrighty, then.

1.) WTF is Jeff Corwin eating these days… is he trying to be another Andrew Zimmer..?

2.) WTF is up with Oprah? getting desperate for guests, is she?

c.) WTF are milk bones made of… certainly NOT milk…

4.) WTF am i doing eating peppercinis first thing in the morning? don’t i realize i will now get the shits…

5.) WTF is Donald Trump and his hair up to these days?

6.) WTF ?????? my mouth is seriously burning now from those fucking peppercinis. i need MILK… quick, gimme a milk bone… no wait, there's no milk in them… WTF?

g.) WTF are urinals good for except to keep guy’s balls and penis from floatin in toilet water…

h.) WTF kind of person would go back twice for a bikini wax?

9.) WTF kind of young women would actually LET Hugh Heffner kiss them… do they KNOW how many cooters and asses that mouth has been in? seriously… and i bet his ball sack is down past his knees by now, justa swingin when he walks… much like a lil chimp from a tree… isn't he like 212 years old now? ewwww

10.) WTF is a David Hassellhoff? and why is he allowed on our planet..

11.) WTF is the point?

l.) WTF will i do now that my mouth AND my ass burns? help me, Rhonda…

m.) WTF is that UFO shaped cloud doing hangin out over Moscow these days?

14.) WTF was the gong show all about and is that nerdy short annoying host dead now..?

hope you enjoyed….. feel free to share some WTF’s of your own…

crp

Sunday comics-

..a pussywillow, by any other name, would uh, erm, still be a pussywillow..

who invented Velcro, and why?

what would it mean if you wore 2 left shoes? why, probly that one of your feet would hurt when you walked.. DUH.

3 words. jury duty. why?

if red meant go and green meant stop…. what would yellow mean?

once a bitch, always a bitch.

my mama told me “you better shop around” and now I'm a hoarder. thanks, mom.

if X = A + B, then what does the equation

F + U + C = ?

rubbing a bald man's head is supposed to bring you luck. that is, IF he doesn't slap you for touching him.

rectal tubes. again i ask, why?

and the Duggars are expecting #19. fuck me hard that uterus has got to be close to fallin out.. and she breastfeeds every one of them babies… do the words nine inch nipples do anything 4 ya?

where does bugs bunny get all of his carrots from?

seems to me like it would hurt like a bitch if the flossy part of a thong snapped in half and gotcha right in the labia… ouch!

have a thought provoked Sunday, my peeps!

P.S.

justintimberlake i mean just in case your mind is blank lemme leave ya with a lil melody to brighten your day and provoke your hatred for me cuz this stupid tune is stuck in your head thoughts.

let’s warm up first- lala loooo lee lay… K, ready?

…in the jungle the mighty jungle the lion sleeps tonight….. awingawet, awingawet, awingawet, awingawet….

do tell me how long that lil diddy stays in yo’ head…. and if when you hear it, do you think of pet detective Jim Carry?

crp ;)

 

1st snow..

 

we woke up this morning to our first snow! it was so beautiful coming down. it only accumulated about an inch, but it’s the watching it snow that i love the most. however pretty it was, we are just not ready for it yet. i love the fall, and feel like we are being cheated out of our “Halloween” season by the cold and snow. there’s a certain order it’s all supposed to happen in and there seems to have been a kink in those plans. bwahaha humbug..

i have been feeling melancholy for the past few days. i miss having more family around and cooking for them, having evenings together and such. long gone are the days when company was abundant and time together was filled with the kiddos all playing together whilst the adults did crafting, or played cards. last night we had my one sister who lives here, come over with her MIL who lives with them, for cards. i made homemade tomato soup and bruschetta, it was delightful, yummy, and so satisfying. tomorrow [Sunday] my oldest son and his friend are coming over for roasted chicken dinner. i LERVE to cook for people and have company over. if you peeps lived closer, we’d be sharin the bloggy love over good food…

happy thanksgiving to all my Canadian friends and family. ours will be coming up soon, too.

crp

it’s WTF Wednesday..

feel free to add your own!

1.) WTF is wrong with Jon gosselin taking all of the money outta the bank and now Kate and the kids are starving?

2.) WTF is wrong with David letterman, the cheatin’ whorebag? who’d want him…

c.) WTF am i going to do with this leftover pot roast i have that we are all SICK of eating 3 nights in a row?

4.) WTF does one do except go commando when all her underwears are in the wash?

5.) WTF should i do with the wife, who bought a large bag of bridge mix and ate all my faves out of it whilst i was at work last night?

f.) WTF is a marshmallow made of anyways? and why the fuck does it catch on fire so easily?

7.) WTF was the moron thinking when he invented glitter? doesn't he know it gets everywhere and doesn't come off? I've had a glitter on my cheek for the last 15 years- i think it’s embedded.. and i could just kill…..

8.) WTF exactly is wrong with the economy? and why the fuck cant we just print out more money?

i.) WTF was Japan thinking when they decided to spell tsunami like that? it doesn't even look like a real word..

10.) WTF kind of asshole puts speed bumps where they do so that you always spill your hot coffee on you as you go over them? come ‘ere, asshole… hold my cuppa whilst i drive YOU over a few speed bumps, touch-hole..

k.) WTF kind of pervert invented the stand up bidet, knowing that all that dirty water from the coochy is gonna run down your legs and into your shoes like a bad mudslide in southern Cal….?

12.) WTF am i doing on here writing out WTF Wednesday wisdoms when i just worked 12 hours and go back for more tonight? i should be in bed already… WTF, i ask?

crp

mOjO mAdNeSS..

this post was inspired by my friend TD @ http://technodoll.blogspot.com/ as she has recently lost her mOjO…. bless…..

….if your mOjO is running on low-

and you have no energy to go-

i have a suggestion 4 U to try-

that will certainly make you fly!

take the whole frikkin bottle and wash down with a bottle of Bailey’s Irish cream…

in NO time you will feel a lil tingly, then invigorated, sparks will fly outta yo’ ass, you will see stars and energy will abound. you will glow in the fucking dark, i tell ya.

you will be able to wash the dishes whilst making those ever SO important phone calls as you drop food for the animals after starting a load of laundry since you cleaned the bathroom after picking up all the hair and shit left by the significant other…

and with the other hand you will be able to make your grocery list while mowing the lawn before the rain starts and dry-fold-iron that laundry you did before you put the kettle on for tea as the doorbell rings with a surprise visit from your worst enemy who inspects your dusting abilities with a white glove on as you plan her murderous death in your head because you’ve always hated the bitch ever since she stole your lunch money in first grade and you wanna get the mess cleaned up before dinner…

then and ONLY then can you take your morning break and go to the bathroom before you piss yer pants…

signed,

C, who now resides in the Nebraska humane society for nuts, losers and old whores.

crp

(disclaimer);

i used to enjoy life. housework. sex. and company. but i lost my mOjO and look wha’happened… don’t let this happen to you. take Fukitol. comes in chewable, too.